bao²

sometimes i think if it is all worth it.

had a dream that made me cry waking up. its like a saw you having a daughter cos she totally have your face and i started crying from that moment. not sure issit a bad or a good dream, but its something that i always wanted to dream of. i really miss you and im sure of it.

had another funny dream of my army friend. we like very very long never see each other in the dream den i think hes running away from something like prison break (cos we have been watching that together whenever we have the time) and hes all sweat and dirt. but i dunno why, i got all emotional in the dream and i dint even bother whether hes clean or dirty and we just gave each other a brotherly hug and started crying. and i woke up cos its really funny.

just came back from mbs and whats the surprise! i obviously lost again. probably heading back tmr to fight back. thats why i need to sleep now alrdy. goodnite! and i enjoy playing stud poker. awesomeeeee.
 

today is a saturday and i just came back from nicoll highway, after serving my 4th ndp training. first things first, i wld like to say that im really glad that i tried this gun salute thing which is once in a lifetime event for myself. i wld say that most people dont even get the chance to know what is it about. moreover this time's gun salute is on a floating M3G platform (you dont really have to know what is it) which is pretty hard to see in ndp parades. the honour and glory is shining straight in the gunners' faces. awesome.

but being the lazy me, i always tried to find ways to get out of it and i did. thats why i say at least i tried it before. ^^ so now going ndp trainings on saturday is pretty simple for me, that is to help carry stuffs, last week i did some video taking, walking around doing nothing, and even watched the real parade from various places like helix bridge and mbs. next week going to try esplanade! im trying to enjoy every single moment i had there because this is really the last time we will be doing anything as a whole battery, doing something serious with this group of friends of mine.

slowly but surely, everyone is parting somewhere, going their ways and live their own lives. i not sure why only until when im about to lose this bond, den i realised that i need to cherish the time we are going to have left. the buddies that i slept w every night, the friends that had to listen to my grumblings and put up w my temper. the buddies that go through thick and thin together, the friends that stayed by my side.

all the times we had whether happy or sad, tired or fun, shag and exhausted, everything is flowing.
india was the most memorable, there's also this PGS training, the just passed chalet, chemical defence training, heli-slung slwh obs, the fatep trng that im usually not around.. even short events like COC parades, ippt, soc, morning life run/training, fieldcamps.. i really shd do a decent post about every single event that i can rmb. for me, all these times is mostly grumbling about why have to do this do that. but im glad we past all these shit together.

ive made many bonds, at the same time lost some friends that i wished that i could have kept, but i guess its just life and it is also partly because of my own attitude and character that mess things up. things will not be the same if i dont have my this bunch of to-die-for friends and i really might have just downpes if not for them. they kept me going and made me feel that im a part and i can go through the tough times w them.
mahendren is one of those that if he is not in my army life, i wld have be gone since the start of my artillery life. hes the one that stayed the longest w me from det 1 all the way to moving into det 6 and still w me and even now when people all changing bunks, we are still together!
joseph my ex-bed buddy that just changed bunk last week, gave me sleepless night, bugging me to talk to him in the night. but some nights really had some quality htht. making up nicknames for me. helped me every here and there also. cheered me when im angry or upset. just that today i was being a bitch and i totally regretted it. cos i realised how forgetful and clumsy he is when he's alone.
still got so many more that i will continue another day. people like berwin wulieh ronald desmond sijie bryan darren aravin...

its just gonna be another 62 more days in army for me and more den half of it i will not be in camp, and i dunno why im starting to miss camp, miss bunk, miss almost everything everyone, EXCEPT THE FOOD!

this post is going public and i know im gonna regret this cos people gonna make fun of me, like how come i like army so much now and things like that. so last thing is, I, GONNA MISS THE FRIENDS AND THE HABITS BUT NEVER THE ARMY!

 

- To be continued -
1. ndp trainings
2. ord chalet
3. india fatep
4. bunk times

have been in a pretty lousy mood these days. i just want to get out from that place and everything will be fine. so much unfairness and unhappiness in all. only thing to look forward booking in is the friends you made inside.
i so not gonna do ndp anymore cos whatever they say, they dont do it. so im not gonna sweat over these kind of stuffs anymore. doing it my own way. i dont give a fucking damn.

just found out that i actually took alot more baby pictures when im young rather den one little album in my possession. gonna buy albums and start filing them in.

at this era, recruits get to own their own ipad laptops without paying for it. thats the life of the new army they talking about. everything 3g. i think next time fight war all hide behind computers and die. at least im doing something that requires effort and brains in army. argh, sour grapes.

weather is so unpredictable these days. mostly warm and humid lousy weather that i really hate. i rather it rains and pours and ill just sleep in. hopefully this week is kind to me. cos i decided to give everything a change. going for run, no morning sleep, no afternoon rest, and regular meals. hahaha.

 

 

 

definitely one of the worst months in my life.
thank god this month is finally over in another few more days.

this week was parade week. and in the middle of the week, i went for my appt and skipped one day, after that im the reserve for the parade already. not sure if its a good thing bcos if i went for the training on wed thurs and friday, ill be burnt like crazy. but again, now that im reserve, i dont have that many offs compared to the rest. :(

played mahjong just now and lost again. haven been in luck for a long time alrdy. i promised myself the next time i win, i will not feel bad to win cos i really haven been winning for a long long time. ^^ haven touched soccer bets for 2weeks alrdy! proud of myself!

just watched a korean movie called the man from nowhere and it was pretty good. totally worth the 8bucks. hardly watched any korean movies on big screen, but this is really good. wandered around in my car aimlessly for awhile before heading home tonight. cleared my mind alittle.

supposingly going for dinner w chong tmr but might be cancelled, oh wells.
monday w joan and vonn for dinner. so excited about the food!

later when i wake up, if the dinner is cancelled ill go for a run. ^^ determined!
 

and im not booking in :D

today was gathering w t19 at my house. decruz and mok had to go off early, and yc and weng came late. but nevertheless, we all enjoyed ourselves very much i guess. played the whole afternoon and evening all the way till night, blackjack, in between, daidee and anything w cards. well, the day was spent gambling and discussing about the next meetup which most likely gonna be clubbing. sounds good and fun on a ladies night. and i really cant wait for this clubbing week to come. maybe its really the company that matters.

and im gonna count my angbaos tmr already! cannot wait to count al the money that i got this year :D my winnings from newyear currently going strong at 80bucks in total. hopefully its gonna rise higher this coming weekend. wahahaha! inviting my army friends over maybe and den going to weetong house for gambling session.

after so much betting and gambling, i realised something out of it. its that you gain some, you lose some. there's never unlimited luck for one person. one day, someday you will finish that luck you have and go unloucky for a period of time, before you replenish your luck. and its very very true.

today's celebration is pretty much a failure i guess. maybe due to a few reasons which is why this gathering was a failure too. even the gambling this year was cutted down by alot i guess.

1. chinese new year is getting more and more out of age for us.
2. the people are getting more and more bored doing the same thing again.
3. im much more quiet compared to other years. maybe people got affected by it anyways. not being myself today.

actually truthfully today for a brief moment, i felt that i dont belong there anymore and i so feel like leaving already. lucky wankian they all came after awhile and everything was feeling so much better. win 80 today, which covered my losses yesterday and making a small winning of 30bucks for this new year. but everything is not ending here!

still gonna have celebration w T19 and my army friends. maybe i should make an effort to go contact my poly classmates and go for a gathering someday during cny before it ends. and hopefully its gonna be more fun den the past few celebrations.
i so dont feel like booking in already.

---

i sort of have had a plan for my future. because everyone that sees me during chinese new year is asking me the same thing over and over again. and im really getting alil uneasy and unsure. thats why a plan is needed.

usually the conversation will goes like that.
3000people: "what you doing now? army finished already? what you gonna do after your army?"
me: smile and say "this sept finally finished w army. i really not sure what i want to do after that tho"
3000people: "huh? why you haven start thinking? better to continue your studies. what course you want to take?"
me: "i really not sure cos im not interested in the field that i studied. so yaaa, still deciding, but shd be studying."
***** den the 3000people will tell me what im suppose to do, what i can do, what i should do *****
me: "hmmmmmm......... hmm........." and silence after that.

and anyway the rough plan is to go get a insurance certificate and maybe eventually a diploma or higher, and in the mean time, since im not needed in a school to school, its all self-study, i can take up another part time diploma or something like culinary or fashion design or whatever. and ill do everything that is said in a short span of 3-4years.

alritee, enuff for the day. goodnite!
maybe it might never be the same.

past 2 days were celebrating CNY at ahma house and my house. this year's new year not sure why, there isnt the CNY feel like past years. this year's more quiet, more lonely and less fun. maybe is all of us getting older, or maybe its the army/working life that make this year so different. hopefully next year will have more feel to it. first day of CNY was spent driving from places to places and less gathering. got lots of angbao tho. second day was at my house for steamboat. den at night was mahjong w ivy wankian and jazreel. baddddluck.

anyway, heard that this year's luck and everything isnt good at all. afterall snake eats rabbit. that might be the cause of the bad luck i just started to have. just now during my mahjong game. lol. burnt a hole in the pocket for a night. oh wells, finally its my turn to be on the losing side already i guess. surprisingly, im not that angry that i thot i might be tho. :x ohhh a way to stop the bad luck is to get a silver ring and wear it at your pinky, quoted by ivyluxueting. worth a try if your luck is going totally downslope. or maybe because i just jinxed the every CNY im on the winning side, by telling people that whenever they asked. shit! %$^*&*% take back my words plsss.

later programme of the day is to go hanchih house and gamble all night! thats why i need my sleep for later on already. cant wait to go there and start the major event of the night! goodmorning!